Utilisateur:Skrool/t/Evon translation

A brand new quagganball playground!

They told me that what was popular these days was quagganball. To be honest, I have never understood the enthusiasm behind hitting these balls of fat like that… What I have understood, however, it’s how to use these practices for busyness! And I had just some unused waste grounds that were waiting to make profits! A bit of work and voila! A brand new quagganball field! Stop playing your cruel game in inappropriate places and taste the luxe of made in Evon sport equipment!

Recipe book for choya and bloodstone dust

Wanting to vary dishes made of omnomberries and other orrian truffles? What would say about trying these new recipes created by our chefs? Choya slices and bloodstone dust: here are our succulent basis that will be declines in our 104-recipe list, which contains the famous “bloody choya risotto” or the already classic “bowl of seaweed and choya salad with his fabulous bloodstone dust orrian steak”. Ah, and for the ones who harass me about the question: No, you cannot feed a cat with these things. No feline is stupid enough to eat these horrors…

Mini Ellen Kiel

Immobile, useless, boring, ugly, common, without any charisma… Yup! You don’t dream it’s the most accurate reproduction you will ever see in Tyria! Well, I agree nobody (except Magnus) would like Kiel to follow them everywhere but take the good side: she doesn’t talk! On that point of view, she is better than the original! And if you’re not convinced enough, the mini cannot take disastrous decision like, for example, forcing an honest trading company to ruin itself to provide FREELY armors and other stuff to Lion’s guard or, another random example, pay researches about fractals when the invested money went stuck in a time loop in the Mist! Seriously, how incompetent she is!

Malyck postcard

Some of you are ready to pay a lot for their blue-sprout-friend gone for a “back to the roots” expedition. And guess what? That’s exactly what I am proposing here. For only few gems, I let you read this little postcard written by Malyck, telling you his last vacations in Maguuma while you were trying to kill the spirit-jungle-dragon in his nightmares. I already hear the haters telling I’m an opportunist. To them I answer that you don’t become the first trading company in Tyria by standing the arm crossed! I sold wings, I sold plushies, I sold ghosts, I sold skritts! So come on, explain me why I couldn’t sell postcards!

Progenies game rule books: Tome I, tome II and tome III

Sometimes the easiest games are the best. And sometimes you have to play with asuras. And in that case, you are in a bad situation. You will be humified by these rats, and you will lose money. And that’s when I come in. I offer you these little cheat-sheets to remind you everything you need to know! Discover the basic rules of Ackle-Denth in volume I to be able to know the list of every authorized moves in volume II. The third volume is necessary to understand the specificities of some case to spice up your games! Get ready to impress these little pretentious mice! I am not responsible in case of loss of any amount of gold in these games. Play at your own risk and stop complaining!

Mini Queen Jennah (500 per pack)

I will be frank, your love for your queen, I don’t understand it. It’s always the queen here, the queen there, the queen doesn’t wear shoes, the queen is immortal, the queen created the white mantle, the queen is Caudecus in disguise… Seriously guys, do we do the same thing with Smodur? No! Because he wears shoes! All that to say that your tradition to gift mini queens for birthdays, that’s nice and stuff, but we’re are overproducing. Can you vary a bit, please? Is that that hard? On my side, I’m trying to empty the stocks. I’m selling them by stack of 500! Do not miss the offer!

Zojja’s shampoo

These around know that I really pay attention to the hygiene of my staff. What would the Black Lion trading company without its impeccable merchants? Appearance is an important aspect of a commercial. Of course, it was more with daggers and claws that I arrived here but admit that if our sellers were ugly and stinky, you would have less desire to buy my keys and other potions! Believe me, I know a lot about that! That’s why I can recommend the shampoo that we used to reserve specially for Zojja! Few problems caused us to interrupt deliveries but, between us, she doesn’t really need it anymore.

Permablind infusion

I always listen to my customers. And you know what they say to me, customers? Well, they say to me: “Evon! Evon! We want infusions! Stuff that shines! Stuff that sparkles!” And I understand you. I understand that no matter how good my products are, if they are not full of fireworks and effects of any kind, there will always be disappointments. That’s why I decided to sell this incredible infusion combining everything you have ever seen in your best dreams, and worst nightmares! It is a must-have in battle! Get ready to throw 25 stacks of perma-blind to any creature daring looking at you, and to walk in battlefields like a god in Arah Note: carrying this infusion will automatically categorize you as a “horrible taste person”.

Logan’s charisma

Yes! You thought it was lost forever but we found it! Incredible but true, there was still an ounce of charisma belonging to the Pact leader somewhere in Tyria, and of course, we are monetizing it! I have no idea what you’re going to do with it, but if you need the charisma of a sedated oyster, don’t take the chance to travel to Orr: the company provides! Yup, I’m selling you anything for any reason but seriously, try to convince me that nobody would buy it! It’s not my fault if people are stupid!

A spacial discombobulator

What is it? No idea. Another asura gizmo… From what I’ve heard, they use these things in asura gates. I’ve also heard that a technician in Rata Sum has been waiting for once of these for years! He is working on a gate to the Polymock asura. Seriously, can’t he buy one on the trading company like everyone? I spent my life creating the Black Lion trading company! If people don’t use it… Anyway, if you need this… thing? I have some stocks…

The SUPER ADVENTURE LOOTBOX!

I know what kids like these days: The box games! These asura creations have everything to become a new art form! And do you know what I do with art? Yes! I ruin it by adding microtransactions! That’s why I created my own box game company I called “Evon Art” (EA). And our next product, the SUPER ADVENTURE LOOTBOX will give you incredible bonus in your adventures in the SUPER ADVENTURE BOX: baubles, end of level portals, items, and even a third world! Every time you open a SUPER ADVENTURE LOOTBOX, you have a chance to win something maybe interesting! And even though Kiel will try to forbid this kind of products, I’ll still earn money before she could do anything! Remember: It’s the only way you can get to world 3. I am so generous…

Black Lion backpack

Are you tired of these never-ending travels without style? From now, thanks to the Black Lion leather goods choice, go on an adventure with serenity, but most importantly with style! Or at least give yourself the luxury of looking rich. It seems that you have to looks wealthy to be someone. I won’t argue with that, especially if it can make me wealthier! Crafted from elonian jackalopes skins, our Black Lion backpacks are assembled by the expert hands of our best workers, all fed exclusively to Karka caviar. The Black Lion trading company finally made possible the unspeakable dream of the most disciplined warriors of the bloody Legion: thanks to the magic infused in this treasure of our knowledge, you will benefit from a permanent bonus in charm. When boarding an airship with your Black Lion backpack, the crew will immediately know the difference between the small fry and the very important people who need to be rescued first when a draconic creature wants to attack you. In the future, even the Asura gate keepers will show you respect!